A Respite for Mothers

By Karen M. Kinney

Maeleen Hurley approached motherhood just like her job as an attorney of civil litigation: She was organized, informed, prepared and equipped. However, all her methodical planning did not prepare Hurley for the tough transition from career woman to stay-at-home mom.

After the birth of her son Brendan in 2001, she suffered loneliness because her family support system was back in Hawaii.

Fortunately, Hurley discovered Mothers & More, a national non-profit organization dedicated to supporting and improving the lives of women who have made a conscious decision to step back from their careers in order to accommodate their families.

Founded nationally in 1987 by Joanne Brundage and based in Illinois, Mothers & More now serves more than 7,500 mothers in more than 180 chapters, including the one in San Francisco, which is led by Sunset residents Hurley and Esther San Miguel, a fellow attorney turned stay-at-home mom.

The San Francisco chapter now consists of 15 to 20 members, and its activities include educational events, charity events, and two play-groups a month at Hurley's home and two "only moms and nursing babies" nightly meetings a month. The night meetings are designed to alleviate the pressures of motherhood and to let moms take time for themselves.

According to Mothers & More, the biggest hurdle facing a mother today is the maintenance of an identity as a woman, a professional, and a mother who strives to be the best caregiver possible. Through its meetings and activities, the San Francisco chapter works to provide a network for a group of diverse women who serve as resources for each other. For example, Mothers & More has mothers in different fields of work who encourage each other to perform volunteer work in their field to help keep up with their profession.

The diversity of the San Francisco group includes mothers that are working full or part time, stay-at-home or single.

Hurley's transition from lawyer to a stay-at-home was initially peppered with questions of fears and doubts, but she found that Mothers & More provided support and encouragement from others who had the same experiences.

"I found our group to be an open and a safe place to be able to talk about what is bothering us, because most likely another mom has gone though the same experience and has lived to tell the tale," Hurley said.

San Miguel discovered Mothers & More at the local library and was elated to have a support group so close to home.

Initially San Miguel's mother helped care for her son Kai until he was three months old, but after her family went back to Spain, San Miguel still needed support regarding her decision to be a stay-at-home mother.

"My priorities changed once I had my son. I didn't want to feel guilty about work not being as important to me. This group helped me find a common base between having a career and then choosing to stay at home. Mothers & More has made my transition from a professional career-oriented woman to being at home much easier," she said.

San Miguel finds the experience of the moms with older kids to be useful and feels she benefits from their knowledge and previous exposure to kids at different stages of life. Some mothers are forced to leave their jobs because their employers are not flexible with the amount of time off a new mother desires.

Mothers & More member Nicci Fortune has a five-month-old daughter, Francesce. Fortune's firm only provided eight weeks of maternity leave. She was not interested in giving up her career, yet she needed to balance having the time to take care of her daughter as well as stay current at her job.

"My concern was not only child care, but how do I take time off and keep my career alive? How do I keep up in the field and not get rusty? I was not ready to stop working," Fortune said. "It's scary to be suddenly unemployed when you're used to being a career woman."

Fortune gravitated to Mothers & More because of its focus on integrating a career and motherhood.

"Every mom is unique," said Hurley.

Meeting topics for Mothers & More have centered on politics, social issues, money-saving tips and dealing with frustration and anger. It also has a book club, Easter egg hunt, Halloween event, and charity work during the holiday season. An upcoming meeting will include a lesson in Spanish history.

Annual dues for membership in Mothers & More is $45 and includes admission to San Francisco chapter events. More information is available at www.mothersandmore.org.